Wednesday, October 12, 2005

DRIVE BY

My oldest daughter took her driver's test yesterday. She turned 16 last week, and we finally made it to the license bureau.

I made her take the test at the downtown office in the middle of our metropolis. Her friends all took their driving tests in the surrounding suburbs. It's supposed to be easier in the smaller towns. We live near downtown. That's where she will be driving most of the time. If she can't pass the test on the streets she'll be driving, she shouldn't be driving.

I made her take the test in a 16 year-old Saab with a stick shift. Lots of her friends used the nicest vehicle available to them, complete with power steering and the easy-to-navigate automatic transmission. My daughter will be driving the old 5-speed Saab. If she can't pass the test in the car she plans to drive, she shouldn' t be driving.

I made her take the test with a leering pervert in the back seat. Most of her friends were only accompanied by the evaluator. My daughter is quite beautiful and will regularly be distracted by leering perverts. If she can't pass the test while enduring constant leering, she shouldn't be driving.

I made her take the test with a live mongoose wrapped around her neck. Most of her friends had to carry no live animals on their person, or even in their cars. My daughter is going to be wearing a live mongoose, or at least some weasle-like carnivore most of the time she's driving. If she can't pass the test wearing an animal, she shouldn't be driving.

I guess a small part of me mourns the passing of her childhood. Part of me anticipates her adulthood. Most of me is just delighted with her as she is. In fact, I may be the luckiest father alive. My daughters are both teenagers and we really like each other. I don't wish for them to be little girls again, and I don't long for them to be grown and gone. I am in awe at the way they are--the ways they change and grow every day. And I feel incredibly blessed that I get to share the ride with them. I really like my kids. At a point in their lives when many parents are sick of their teenagers, I can say that I really enjoy spending time with them. In fact, I would generally choose to hang out with my daughters than most other people. Maybe it's because I can ground them. Maybe it's because I can say things like, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." Ohhh boy, do we laugh over that one. Or, maybe it's because God smiled on me (and my wife) and gave us better children than we deserve.

Anyway, she passed her test. Now I have to stock up on mongooses. Mongeese?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You do have beautiful daughters. We admire how they can laugh like little kids and carry on conversations with adults. They are the teenagers we hope ours to be like one day. They have quirks and foibles.. they are Real! It's great to see girls who have boys that are friends and girls that are friends, who are compassionate w/out being doormats, funny but not at the expense of others, and intelligent without trying to downplay it to be cool. True people of substance regardless of their age.

Anonymous said...

Yay for Oldest Daughter! And good for you for the firm hand. If she gives you any lip, tell her for me and Stacie that in ten or fifteen years, when it's time for her to start dating, she'll be thanking you for imposing limits.

middleclasstool said...

Shame you couldn't leave the car unfixed. But hopefully the mongoosen will keep her in line.

Your daughters are both indeed beautiful, intelligent, and charming. Though I expect luck had little to do with it. I suspect their mother and father had a bigger influence.

Yours is the kind of family I hope to have one day.

Anonymous said...

Tool, for the right price you can have them for more than a day. We have some very attractive weekly rental plans available. They are best in the spring, though, when the mongoslings are still sporting downy fuzz.

Jay said...

what you should really do is take your daughter out this winter, when there is a good snow/ice cover on the ground, to a mall parking lot and let her practice her doughnuts. Then drive really fast in a straight line and slam on the brakes and try to control the slide. This worked for me and made me the confident driver I am today.
Oh, and don't worry about the police you might attract. They will probably congratulate you on your initiative.

Anonymous said...

That actually sounds like a blast.

Anonymous said...

Oh, we didn't wait for winter. We go out and do full on power slides in parking lots now. And, we do it when the parking lots are full of commuters trying to leave their offices. Oh...heh, heh, heh...yes...it's a delight to see the looks on their faces.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to Oldest Daughter and a heaping pile of live mongeeses (to cover all possibilities) to go around! - Jennifer

Anonymous said...

ooooonnnoooooo Mr. Wally - Instruction in the art of doughnut drivin' in the snow is Auntie Sister's domain. Hah! We'll have us some fun. And then we'll learn how to cruise around on Friday nights and pick up boys (do teenagers still cruise "YOU KNOW WHAT STREET" in your booming metropolis,Reacher)? And I'm certain you, being fueled with testosterone and all, didn't even think to drill her in mascara application while behind the wheel. I'll have to take care of that, too. Oh, and every girl's driving necessity---the precise batting rate of eyelashes it takes to wiggle out of a ticket!
Oh, yes. An aunt's work is never done...

Anonymous said...

Actually, forget all that.
Send her to me. I'll take her to Dallas for the weekend. No wait. Not the weekend. That's silly. Monday morning - 7 am. Or Friday around 4:15 pm. Yeah. That will do it. You'll never have to worry about silly things like her wanting to drive ever again.

Let me know when you want me to handle the whole boy/dating issue. I have ammunition aplenty for that!

middleclasstool said...

But can your daughter drive with seeds in her ears?