Daughter. Sister. Mother of a 12-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter. Wife to my wife's brother. Dead at 39.
There was no warning, no chronic health problem, no clue. She went to sleep last Friday night. Around 5AM she breathed heavily like she was having a nightmare, then she was gone.
It has been a week of unimaginable grief. I have seen children age before my eyes. I have heard grown adults weep like babies. I have witnessed an extraordinary level of honesty.
Why does it take this kind of loss for families and friends to reconnect, to let down our guard and become vulnerable to each other? And, isn't it tragic that we don't often learn the best about someone until they are gone?
My new creed: Love one another honestly. The rest is bullshit.
15 comments:
I heard about Renee through my sister, who lives there.
I graduated from highschool with Renee and her husband. I am so, so, so sorry. I have 2 kids. I am her age. It has hit me hard.
I will always remember what a happy person she was. All she ever wanted was a family and to be with her wonderful husband. Please pass on my love and sympathy.
Cindy
Ouch! So sad, and so UN-understandable to our frail minds and rationale. Please know that Carol and I love you and will keep you and the rest of this family in our prayers.
The editor in me says you could cut that down to one word: Love.
My prayers are with your family.
These last few weeks months I have been helping my wife through the grieving process for her aunt, who died seven months ago, and her uncle, who died last month. These were her only aunt and uncle, and not only that, they practically raised her themselves. It has been very hard.
Her uncle was a Messianic Jew, and has a brother who is doesn't know the Messiah. We all have a spirit and a spirituality, but only those who are in Christ have a solid foundation for that spirituality. We are grounded, and have the means to really understand what our hearts are for.
Some people wear their spirituality on their sleeves, and others hide it better. But when there is a death, especially a tragic one, it all comes rushing to the surface. No one wants to be an grieving atheist, or a mourning nihilist. Everyone starts searching for the deeper parts of themselves and others.
And it's embarrasing. Adults will not weep like babies and clutch on to one another, and reveal weighty secrets long into the night under more normal circumstances, because it's humiliating and weak. But when there is a major loss, everybody understands. That's what everybody wants, and even if they don't, they understand if you do.
I share the Reacher's self-challenge. I want to put away my dignity and common sense and restraint for the sake of humiliating love. I want to let down my guard. I want to make a scene.
i luv u
honestly
happy birthday
My mom died 10 1/2 years ago. My youngest sister was 10. She had cancer and was 46. Too young to die. Too strong to die. Had already gone through too much in her life to die. It still hurts, but from the moment she left I vowed to try to live my life in honor of her. Of her strength, her discipline, her expectations. Family and friends became the most important things in my life, and I think I am succeeding in keeping my priorities straight. I stopped wondering why, and concentrated on how can I be better through this. It is a shame that it took the loss of my mother to put me in this mindset, but now it is up to me to make sure I live my life worthy of hers.
I feel like I should say something, but I have no words. Yours were enough.
Reacher,
We're so sorry, and our prayers are with your family. I hope her kids and husband are finding some peace. I can't imagine ever being able to stand up again after a loss that comes like that.
And happy belated birthday.
Oh, dear God.
I'm so terribly sorry. The shock alone must be excruciating. My very best to all you and yours.
I have noticed, but been reluctant to mention, the beauty that can come in the wake of a death or other tragedy, the way the love intensifies in those horrible days. It's more blunt, not sugar-coated, and you can feel it in your bones like an ache.
Honestly, I've felt the love of kith and kin more intensely at the funerals I've attended than at any of the weddings I've attended, save my own, and well, I was the guy getting married there. It's not the same.
I have no doubt that your family will be only stronger because of this, from what I know of you and yours. My best to you and Betsy and the kids and everyone who ever loved her. Peace be unto you.
Words aren't my forte. Holding a hand is. I'm reaching...
As Jen said, our thoughts are with you in this trying time.
Reacher-
Our thoughts are with you.
We are praying for you.
Time will heal these wounds.
Blah, blah, blah. I'm not attacking anyone on this site. Pretty hollow stuff, really. It's nice to be loved and it's nice to be supported. but it doesn't do jack to fill the emptiness or salve the wound. Only God, in His grace and mercy, can bring you or the family any measure of comfort. I hope he is.
That's some bedside manner you've got. I'm sure the bereaved appreciate it.
This is sad and hard. I'm sorry for everyone involved and the for pain they are experiencing.
To respond to another comment.. I can attest to the fact that words, though they can't take away the pain or sense of loss, can help. I still remember some of the tender things people said to me when my mom died, and that was nine years ago. Of course, the thing I did not want to hear was, "I know what you're going through," because no one really knows what anyone else is going through. Sure, nothing beats a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, but.. words can used by God. They definitely have been in my life. I would like to have heard any of these responses. They've been stated with tact and sensitivity.
Methinks my point was misunderstood. It's not that we should not try to comfort others. It's that, when you are in that place of crushing loss (and I have been), words don't comfort much. Only God can. And sometimes it feels like he be way, way far away.
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