RESOLVE

Some time ago I encouraged my sister (some of you may recognize her comments...she goes by, um, "Sister") to guest author a little sumpin' sumpin' for this sorry excuse for a blog. Just in time, she rises to the occasion.

December 2007

Resolutionary

I'm not big on making New Year's resolutions. Seems like a big set-up for failure, if you ask me. Ever so much better to do well that which no one expects than to fall short of achieving lofty goals, yes? This new year, however, I find myself approaching with something that feels suspiciously like resolve.

Clearing out has been a big theme with me for some time now. Digging deep and challenging those internal beliefs that no longer serve me and definitions that no longer know me. Cleaning out and discarding (or selling on E-Bay! Check it out!) physical items that are cluttering my living space and blocking my energy. Revamping what sort of things I do in exchange for a paycheck. Clearing out the old to make room for the new has laid claim to my dreams, my meditations, my prayers and my time.

It's good work, but hard.

The physical clearing out forces me to deal with packed away remnants of a former life. The emotional remodel entails somewhat painful excavations of long-held certainties of who I was and what and why. Spiritually I'm questioning everything and trying to Be Still and listen long enough to hear the answers. I'm not as sure of myself as I once was and I'm teetering, slightly off-balance in the upheaval. Yes, it's hard. Hard, but necessary if forward motion is to be achieved.

Yesterday I noted (for the hundredth time) a very large, very dead tree along the fence row of the pasture behind my house. I thought (for the hundredth time), "That tree really needs to come down," but then (for the hundredth time) went on about my business, forgetting it until the one hundredth and one time it catches my attention.

This morning as the coffee brewed and I stared absentmindedly out the kitchen window, I saw the pasture that was clear the day before now littered with branches and trunks and vines. Sometime in the night the tree that needed to come down did so with a crash, taking a couple of fence panels out with it. Now any plans I had for the day have been scrapped. I'll be bundled up in the cold sunshine, cutting up dead wood and repairing fence.

Already though, as too-hot coffee scalds my tongue and I gaze at the woods where decay had been taking center stage, I can see how much more pleasing that portion of the landscape is with barrenness erased. Already I can see how accustomed I had become to believing beauty was out of sight. Already it's better. All that's left now is work.

And I can do that. Oh,yes. That I can do.