In five months I will turn 42.
Ouch.
I'm not too worried about it, though; a while back somebody on the Today Show said something like, "42 is the new 27." So, it's all good.
I mean, even though I do tend to grunt when I stand up, my pant size hasn't grown lately. I could still pull off a red convertible without looking totally pathetic. I don't yet begin all my stories with "Back in my day...." And, all but one of my teeth are original equipment. I've never been one for daily shaving, but now when my beard starts to show, my chin looks like I grazed it across a bowl of whipped cream. People will nod and wipe around their mouth sometimes say, "You got something on your...oh...er...nothing" before they walk away embarrassed.
Yes, I am aging. I check my retirement account frequently. I have various hitches in my git-along. It's cold in here, and "You kids better STAY OUTTA MY DAMN LAWN!" But I have not yet switched to elastic waistbands.
I have an alarm on my cell phone that reminds me on Tuesdays and Thursdays that it's my turn to pick up my daughter and the neighbor kids at middle school. I started using the alarm after a couple of panicked calls I received 30-45 minutes after school was dismissed.
"Um, Reacher?"
"Yeah, Barb, how are y-- Oh, crap!"
I have alarms for everything now, and my shirt pocket is perpetually full of notes reminding me what to do, where to be, and who to call.
I was on the phone the other day with a representative from the company that administers my 403b account. The call was taking longer than I expected. I realized that in a few minutes my alarm would go off, and since I intentionally programmed it to be loud and obnoxious, capable of distracting me from whatever I happened to be doing at the time, I got really worried. (You'd think I would have quit caring what people thought so far this side of adolescence.) So I started a frantic search for my cell phone so I could disable the alarm before it sounded.
The time was approaching. I couldn't find the phone.
"From a customer service standpoint, sir, is there a reason you wish to transfer these particular funds?"
Don't have time for this. Must end call.
I used shorthand, and probably lied a little to quicken the transaction.
"Is there anything else I can do for you today, Mr. Reacher?"
I rushed to finish the call. "Nope. Thanks. Bye."
Click.
As I ended the call, I saw my cell phone. There it was. IN MY HAND! I had been using it to place the long distance call.
It's a wonder that I still know how to breathe.
9 comments:
Well, this post here makes it appear you're going to be pretty regular again.
That's good. You're way too young, not to be regular. I'd hate to have to recommend that you get more fiber in your diet.
What? No hearing aids?
you're not elvis
or an idiot
just old
and getting more so
everyday
Hey, quit making so much fun of...z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z
That's funny.... You know... I recently sat down for breakfast with my parents(who are both in their seventies). We were talking about my being a new father, etc. I offered up a long overdue apology. Back when I was cool (ask my former self, he'll tell 'ya) and my things to remember list included, "Is today back or chest, and should I shoot the moon and go for a new max?", I would often wonder, "How the Hell do Mom and Dad forget so much?" Now that I have work, family, baby, 401K, spiritual maturity, cholesterol levels, car maintenance, Fescue vs. Blue Grass, etc., I have notes everywhere. God bless 3M and the Post-It.
Here, I'll steal a line from a friend's D-line coach @ Grandview High School: "Bandit, one of these days, one of them greased tailbacks will come screaching around the corner waiting for the option pitch. You won't know whether to shit or go blind. So Bandit, I suggest you pray, close one eye and fart." -Jim
Dang... So what does that say about me, if i have to program my cell phone to death, plus leave myself notes at every corner, plus keep a planner, plus a computer calendar at work with reminders for everything i need to do? And on top of it, half the time i forget where i put the notes!
If 42 is the new 27, is 27 the new 13 or something?
(I turn 27 today.)
Wait... I guess I need to start acting my age.
{i tUrN 27 toOdAyWOOHOO!!]]:-)~XXXOOXOXO. heyHeY itsMybiTHDay!!!!!!!!!!50centRULZZZ!!!
I could have SWORN that I posted ealier and asked if you wore trifocals yet . . . but maybe you got mad at me and deleted the post. :)
I don't think I deleted your comment, but then the memory's going.
I did get bifocals a while back. Hated them. Made me feel drunk all the time. Got rid of them. So, now I just wear my glasses around on my forehead. Oh, let me tell you my wife and daughters love that look!
Well, the prune juice is kicing in...gotta go.
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